Tag Archives: religion

That’s Me in the Corner

That’s Me, Losing My Religion

Or to be more accurate, I didn’t lose my religion: it lost me.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Growing up as a PK (Preacher’s Kid) had is advantages and its drawbacks. On the negative side, I was always in the eyes of the community — especially a problem when the community is so small that when you sneeze at the east side of town, somebody on the west side says, “Bless you!”

I couldn’t get away with anything.

But there was also a positive side,which became quite useful when I hit high school. That was back in the day when parents wanted to know everything there was to know about the young man who wanted to date their Mary Lou.

But being a PK, I was spared the third degree simply because of what that label implied: a safe, high-minded, perfectly-behaved young man. Emphasis on safe.

Silly parents! If any one of the girls I dated had told their parents just a fraction of what went on in the back seat of my daddy’s car on those dates, I wouldn’t be here to write this today.

Leaving Lutherism

Just as my father rejected his parents’ Anglican (Church of England) heritage in order to become a Lutheran minister, so I moved on from mystery father’s faith into Hinduism, Buddhism, the Baha’i’ Faith,finally arriving where I am today: perhaps not quite an atheist, but definitely an agnostic: I don’t know, and neither do you.

The problem I have with most religions — or to look at it more honestly — they have with me, revolves around a basic point: who I am.

I am a 68-year-old transgender bisexual woman. It’s more complicated than that, but I’d like to keep things uncluttered.

As such, while many Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam, etc.) may accept my existence, they still won’t extend to me or “my kind” the same benefits and acceptance they do for their heterosexual members.

Yes, I’m referring to sex.

I am forbidden from physically expressing my love for another person except by a hug or a handshake.

The reason? Sex is only for procreation. Therefore, same-sex or same-gender relations are forbidden. Sexual acts that are not done with the intention of producing offspring are prohibited…

…unless you’re a married couple who don’t want kids. Or you’re too old. Or maybe you already have as many as you want. Or one or both of you is sterile.

In that case, by all means, fuck away!

But if you’re gay, bi, trans, or anything other than straight, you’re fucked.

How I long to belong to a spiritual, non-denominational community where I can be free to worship my creator — however I may conceive her — as I see fit. Where I am accepted, rather than merely tolerated.

I am a human being, not a fart in a crowded elevator: I deserve more than merely being tolerated.

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Why Atheism Makes Sense To Me

I was brought up in a religious household. My father was a Lutheran minister before he retired after over 50 years of service. I went Lutheran upbringing thing: Sunday school, church, confirmation (which I just now realized is spelled so closely to conformation), being elected president of the Luther League, the whole nine yards.

And even though I never openly questioned anything, I had my doubts. I won’t claim I had them from the start, but once I reached the age of critical thought things began to look funny. For example, God made Adam, gave him free will, and then punished him for exercising that same free will when he let himself be tempted by a woman who got her advice from a talking snake. Incidentally, that was when men began blaming women for their own shortcomings, a practice that was perfected in Flip Wilson’s Geraldine skits in the 60s and 70s: “The devil made me buy this dress!”

Over time, I started questioning the whole concept of God. Ultimately, it came down to this: where did God come from? If everything was created, who or what created God?

Over the next few posts, I’ll be recounting my journey to atheism in more detail. In the meantime, I suggest you read DarkSyde’s excellent essay, What It Feels Like to be an Atheist, on Born Again Pagan.

We’ll talk again soon.

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