It’s been over three years since you left me. Three long years of self-reflection. The first six months were the hardest: full of thoughts of suicide, of self-harm, of self-destructive behavior.
I simply couldn’t see how I could go on without you, or if I even wanted to.
But I muddled through, found a new place to live, made new friends. And stayed on my meds. I finally put the pieces of my shattered life together again.
Until Last Week
When you told me you were seeing someone new. I congratulated you, and even meant it. But I was glad we were talking by text, and that you couldn’t see my facial expressions.
As we talked, I realized that I had been holding out hope that we would someday be together again. I mean, that’s what you once promised me, wasn’t it? That you always wanted me in your life?
But I finally realized that what I was still hoping would happen wasn’t going to.
And I finally had to accept that fact.
And I have. Yesterday, for the very lasting time, I cried and mourned the death of Us. The unit we had become.
This morning I determined that no matter what the future brings, you’ll always have a place in my heart.
And I’ve also determined that no matter what happens in my life, I will never again love someone who doesn’t love me as much as I love them.