Another Sleepless Night

Well, to be honest, it wasn’t a sleepless night. It was a sleepless morning. No matter how I try, I can’t seem to sleep beyond 6 a.m. And that includes even if I go to bed at 3 a.m.

depression is

And THAT, dear friends, is what it’s like. Invisible. Insidious. I’ve moved beyond the suicide stage; tried that, didn’t work. Now I’ve arrived at the point where I wish I had never been born.

— To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.
— Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 5, lines 19-28)

Futility rules my moods.

My own depression is compounded by the fact that I’m transgender.

not all its cracked up to be

It’s another reason I isolate and tend to stay indoors.

That’s it for now. Talk to you later.

1 thought on “Another Sleepless Night”

  1. Do not succumb to discouragement, my friend.

    You are in the vanguard of the new collective consciousness of diversity and tolerance.

    Just by being, by yourself or not, you are adding to the sum of human wisdom which will take all of us eventually over the top.

    Allow yourself to be happy, in spite of what waits outside your window, every moment that you can.

    You are worthy — by your honesty and courage in refusing to not be what you are not; for your stubborn insistence on our God given right to be authentic — of great happiness.

    Your life, just as it is today, has a purpose which benefits us all, and you are fulfilling it now.

    I respect you for it, and I thank you for it on behalf of the generations which will come after us, whose members will have an easier time being themselves in this world because you lived.

    Many’s the great mind found it necessary to dwell in relative or total seclusion. You are not alone — in fact, historically you’re in the very best of company.

    Stay strong.

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